Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Tennis: Playing to Win

There was a time when I didn’t much enjoy playing tennis. I thought my problem was that losing bothered me and that I cared too much about winning. I kept trying to “have fun” and “just play for fun.” That is, I kept trying to correct my attitude, bringing it into conformity with what’s accepted and acceptable = politically correct.

But there was a disconnect. An inner conflict that heightened the harder I tried. I’m sorry, but my Hypocrisy Detector kept going off. I don’t know about you, but my Hypocrisy Detector really bugs me, so I do my best to keep it quiet.

As I grew as a person, I learned to pay attention to my instincts. I learned that when something feels wrong, you should stop and think about it, because it is unnatural, and when something is unnatural it probably is wrong.

So I thought about this. Didn’t take long. Because political correctness on this issue makes no sense. So I ditched it.

Instead of trying to pretend that I didn’t feel what I felt when I blew a shot or lost a match, I stopped fighting myself. I accepted and owned my feelings.

Guess what? A miracle happened. It was like releasing the valve on a pressure cooker. My sense of humor was back. Things were in perspective again. Yes, blowing a shot or losing a match is a bummer, but that’s all. It’s no moral failing of cosmic significance. Nothing to be that afraid of.

But I really wanted to make that shot and win that match, and I wasn’t going to lie to myself about that anymore. No more pretending that I was “just playing for fun.” I often went out and just hit for fun. But when I played a match, it was to win, and I wasn’t going to lie to myself about that anymore.

Suddenly I was having fun. More than fun – I was having a blast.

I went from a choker to someone who plays her best under pressure. Now I could truly say, like major league pitcher Nolan Ryan, that the greater the pressure the more I liked it. Now I relished moments before the serve on a big point. Now I found them thrilling, almost mouth-watering. Now, on an off day, I was never despondent: I knew I could and would get my game going great guns. There is no greater confidence a person can have.

When you play a game, you lay something of value on the line. Your feelings. You risk the disappointment and chagrin of losing. It takes a bit of courage to do that, just as it takes (far, far greater) courage for a soldier to lay their life on the line in combat.

Have that courage. Lay it on the line: play to win.

Sometimes you will. Sometimes you won’t. But your life will be the richer for it, and your character will be the better for it, either way.

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